We all feel lost sometimes

Hi!

I mentioned in my post about my exchange year about how I never really hit the stage of feeling really lonely and homesick. Well, I don't feel really homesick since I just visited home but I've felt pretty alone lately. I usually never talk about these feelings but I thought maybe writing them down might help and this blog was made to go through the process of moving out after all.

I have never been a person who's actively going out and hanging out with friends but something changed when I moved over here. I started hanging out with friends a lot more and I feel like I had something to do almost every weekend. But it's starting to show that I don't have as many friends here as I did in Helsinki. People obviously have their own lives and as much as I enjoy spending time alone sometimes, weekends have started feeling like they last forever because I've just felt really alone.

I was watching a movie on Friday that was pretty upsetting and I ended up feeling like I would do just anything to get a hug from someone. Obviously there was no one to hug so I ended up making a caramel hot chocolate and had to convince myself that it was almost as good as a hug. I haven't really had those "I wish I hadn't moved over here" moments a lot but that was a huge one.

The worst thing about this probably is that I've let it affect my life so much. I keep telling myself that my friends don't care about me which I know isn't true. Yet somehow I feel like I've been a bit more quiet in school and don't really talk in our friend group chats, afraid that I'll annoy my friends and push them away from my life which I don't want to do. Sometimes it feels like absolutely no one cares and I know that isn't true either. Writing this blog post made me realize how ridiculous this sounds and that I really need to work on this because I'm not alone and I know it.

I'm so happy I have people and things in life that make me really happy and feel less alone in these situations. I started writing this blog post last night but somehow I started talking with a friend that is always there for me to lift me up when I'm feeling down and I got so happy I didn't feel like writing this anymore. I decided to continue this today anyway as I felt like it might be the best to go through these feelings by writing them down. There are so many more things that keep me going than what make me feel alone so I should focus on those instead and realize it's okay to feel completely lost sometimes.

See you soon!
~Susanna